Everyone wants to be safe. But it is only in recent years that inhabitants of the United Kingdom have begun to feel that they have a right to be safe – that it is a reasonable expectation. They are outraged…
Read: Safety right or wrong
Speed limits represent the maximum safe speed in ideal conditions. So a 30mph limit should mean that it is safe to travel at 30mph if weather and road conditions are good, but not if it is raining hard, or the…
Read: When slow is bad
An astounding turnround in voting habits has been predicted by the parliamentary candidate for Corpusty East, Henry (Fred) “Shrimp” Houseago (90). Mr Houseago, who has a bad leg and is standing for the first time this year, said yesterday that…
Read: Immigration shock
The shock result in Corpusty East, where favourite Henry (Fred) “Shrimp” Houseago lost on a 90 per cent swing to someone else, was attributed today to a misunderstanding. “We really didn’t get our message across,” he said. “Too many voters…
Read: Call to re-run poll
Following secret discussions at an undisclosed beach hut, a new political party has been formed to fight the General Election on behalf of disillusioned voters. Norfolk local hero Henry (Fred) “Shrimp” Houseago, 90, said he had been forced to act…
Read: New party formed
After a long silence, the School of Penguins, Chess and Road Surfacing at the University of East Anglia announced yesterday that it was replacing Professor Ian “Sam” Aufmerksam, its long-serving head. Prof Aufmerksam had resigned following an embarrassing e-mail leak…
Read: Houseago returns
Having struggled against a pretty strong tide for some years in a bid to get the causes of climate change reconsidered, I suppose I should be delighted to find the water suddenly flowing in the other direction. Even such august…
Read: Why am I not delighted?
If you want to see theatre used in a clever, original and funny way, Bertolt Brecht is your man. Like Leonard Cohen, he has a reputation for being depressing. Both men, if you pay attention to them, are inspiring, uplifting…
Pause: glance at rear-view mirror: engage cliché. Another year comes to an end, but not a decade, despite the convictions of several editors. It works like birthdays: your tenth birthday is at the end if your tenth year, not at…
Read: Wrong, sounding right